Nursing Maids and The Milk of Kindness

The Milk of Kindness

A friend, a baby, and an act of generosity on the other side of the world.

Some years ago, we found ourselves in New Zealand — about as far from home as our family has ever wandered. I kept having the impression that I needed to leave our baby home. She was only a few months old and was still nursing. I reached out to a dear friend, and she gave me one of the most tender gifts I have ever been handed.

She was just coming to the end of nursing her own little boy. And when my daughter needed her, this friend simply opened her arms and nursed my baby as if she were her own for the two weeks we were away - teaching and traveling in New Zealand and Australia. 

I'll be honest — the first time, I hardly knew what to feel. There's something almost impossibly intimate about watching another woman nourish your child from her own body. But underneath the surprise was something deeper and steadier: gratitude, and a kind of holy relief. My little girl was fed. She was safe. She was loved by someone other than me, in the most bodily, self-giving way a person can love a baby who isn't theirs. I don't think I've ever felt the reach of friendship quite so keenly as I did in that moment.

One of the oldest kindnesses there is

I've thought about that day often since, and about how ancient a thing it was that my friend did. In nearly every culture, across every century, there have been wet nurses and "milk sisters" — women who stepped in to feed a child who wasn't their own, when a mother was away, or unwell, or simply run dry. Babies grew up bonded for life to the women who nursed them. It's one of the very oldest expressions of "bear ye one another's burdens" — women literally carrying one another, and one another's children, through.

There's a quiet sermon in it, if you look. The body's astonishing generosity. The way God so often sends His provision to us wrapped in the kindness of another person. And the plain, beautiful truth that no mother was ever meant to do this alone.

A gentle word, mother to mother

If you ever find yourself in need of another mother's milk, let me pass along the small bit of wisdom that day taught me. Do it the way I was so blessed to — through someone you know well and trust, who is healthy and well, with an honest, loving conversation between you. And know, too, that if you ever need a fully screened source — especially for a fragile or premature baby — there are accredited milk banks that carefully screen their donors and gently pasteurize the milk. Because health can pass from a mother into her milk, a little care here isn't a lack of faith in a friend; it's just love, thinking a step ahead. My friend and I had that trust already built. What a gift it was to be able to lean on it.

I still think of her — of the friend who fed my daughter while we were on the other side of the world. It's one of those kindnesses you can never quite repay, only pass along. So here's to the women who mother each other's children, in a thousand quiet ways, every single day. You are doing something older and holier than you know.

With a full heart,

Steffanie

This post shares a personal memory and general information; it isn't medical advice. If you're considering donor milk for your baby, health organizations recommend milk from an accredited (HMBANA) milk bank, or — if sharing more informally — a known, healthy, screened donor and a conversation with your pediatrician. Please reach out to your healthcare provider with any questions about feeding your baby.