Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Speechless

Last night…

Tears.  Long pause.  This is the first time that the paralysis ‘wave’ (I’ll call it), has affected my writing. 

Life.

I run hard.  Crash.  I fall back again. 

Again.

I make another attempt to dash at the unseen enemy that lashes out at me and spews its poison (what it feels like) in my mind. 

I am paralyzed for a moment.  The enemy laughs.

I picture myself in the arena, fighting the enormous monster.  I can see it, I can feel its lashes… the onlookers look at me with confusion and some laughter.  They cannot see it.  The terrible dragon is invisible to them, but terrible and frightening to me.

Disappear.

The dragon suddenly vanishes and I put down my sword.  I look around at the onlookers.  I can read their faces.  I know I must have looked crazy.  I pray that the next time…

I will be alone when the dragon comes.

The above….?

How it has felt fighting the unknown. 

Similarity.

A bite that swelled as if a clown had injected a balloon under my skin by my wrist and had blown it up slowly, mockingly, reveling in my pain and fear as the balloon inflates to my elbow…

A well meaning Dr. gave me a… vaccine. 

Paralysis.  Like a gentle, slow motion wave… the paralyzing, numbing feeling had spread down one leg and I could feel it slowly traveling up and down my right side and then slowly crossing over to the left…. Fear…. I tell my missionary companion that we need to get home as soon as possible.  I do not remember getting home.  Only waking up confused as my missionary companion jumps off of her bed and exclaims “Hermana!” In Spanish she continues… “you’ve been asleep for TWO days!” “The mission president is on his way down here… he’s extremely upset… what the Dr. gave you was on a list the mission president has that says “do NOT let missionaries receive this vaccine… absolutely do NOT….

My mind wanders…

I would later be told the vaccine was known for causing auto-immune diseases…

I look back… I see the pattern… every few years… a different auto-immune condition that I have always, ALWAYS been able to reverse using diet changes…

Cleaner, purer foods… repeat, repeat, repeat…

Herbs… more and more concentrated…

My most powerful weapon…

Essential oils.

As the ‘wave’ of the paralysis sweeps by, it stops me physically… I pause and then resume.

The past few years it has started to affect me mentally…  I pause and then resume…

ER visits… unable to talk or write… blamed on stress.

Last night.

I didn’t dare sleep.  I feared for my life.  I thought of how ‘non-drama’ I am.  For years putting myself last until finally I said I needed to go to Mexico.  It was that, or… I die.

Answers found in mexico.  Three-fold.  We deal with the surgery, we deal with the virus, we deal with the after affects of the vaccine.  A regular MD… with freedom to incorporate alternative. Treatments.  Natural ones… we call alternative because of the ‘sorcery’ (pharma) that plagues America.

Insurance will pay in US.  We come home.

Regular MD talks of surgeon “I trust him with my life”.  Appointment is tomorrow to meet with the surgeon.

Also referred to regular MD… but I was told this Dr. is “brilliant” but … “different than others”… this Dr. went to “Mexico to get treatment for his patient that he could not get in the US”.   I was told… “this Dr. has saved my patients lives… several times.”

The appointments set in the US… husband leaving today to head to Texas… to train to teach it will bring in extra money needed.  The plan was to come back to Mexico after the hernia operation.

The paralyzing feeling let up for a brief moment and my thoughts become…

It comes again.

Pause.  Wait.  Pause.

My mind drifts back to months ago.  “Mommy ok.  God knows”.  Words I was able to tell my children as they looked at me with tears streaming down their faces, others crying loudly in the background.  I couldn’t talk.  I couldn’t get my arms and hands to respond to what my brain was trying to communicate.  It was scaring my children and husband.  We all cried… ER again.

Last night.

Terrifying.  The paralysis had been creeping up into my head and neck area…

Come and go… paralysis and freedom…

The dragon laughs out loud.  Angels look on as the send prayers my way…

I am alone.  Nobody understands this battle except for me.  Nobody can see it.

Last night. 

I feared for my life. 

Paralysis hit in my throat and mouth.  I thought it was the end as death had me in a choke hold.  My thoughts  and ears listen… my dear friend has thrown me another weapon….into the arena… I struggle to reach for it as I wonder….

My last breath… two warriors are driving to help me… they are in the distance… skilled medical Dr’s from the US….

But I cannot breathe…. I need help now. 

Dr. James.  He and his staff are in the arena with me…

The suffocation…  If I could just reach up…. If I could just unlock the glass door that is preventing them from helping me…

The grip…. The suffocation… the anger, the envy … the pain.  I recognize….

Oh. Dear. God.  I recognize…

The grip is loosened around my neck.

Peace.

I walk over and unlock the door.  Yes…. Other Dr’s were on their way…

Stillness.

Everyone pauses as they watch.  They understand now.

Bloody, weak, bruised… tired from all the years of struggling alone.

I am carried.  Completely unable to help myself any more…

My mind goes back to the dream… to the experience I had at the tiny hospital.

Too sacred to share… but I heard my Grandfather’s voice.  It was him.

Crazy.  Perhaps.   You get that way after so many years of imprisonment and unfair treatment.

My children…

I weep.  How can I abandon them in the arena. …

Angels take them away… they turn back looking at me.  They smile….

They understand.

Blurr…. Nothing else ….


Last night.  Terrifying.  Melissa oil… lavender…. Applied … applied.

People may mock…

Many rejoice.


ARISE.   

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Snot, Skittles and Pop Tarts

Several years ago, I saw something that still makes me cringe every time I think about it...

I watched a mother, at church, feeding her snotty-nosed child skittles.  I had noticed the child's snotty nose and had wondered to myself what type of foods the child ate to make his immune system weak.  Then, the mother of that child pulled out a bag of skittles from her baby bag.  As she would feed the child the skittles one at a time, (putting them into his mouth) the snot would stick to the Mom's fingers as she put the skittle in the child's mouth and then pulled her hand away. She seemed like what she was listening to and keeping her child quiet was more important than his physical well-being. One string of snot was especially disturbing and I had to turn my head to not see what was happening.

Oh what an awful visual that was.  Sugar is fuel for sickness!!!

Not long after the above experience, I received an emergency call from a friend of mine in another state.  She was panicking when she told me about the pneumonia in the one lung of her son and how she was worried it would spread to the other lung.  She asked what essential oils I would recommend and then said she really wanted to avoid going to the ER because she didn't have insurance.

What did she feed her child?  (Please forgive me friend if you are reading this!)  She was feeding her son POP-TARTS! 

I asked her what he had eaten and she said "I just gave him a Pop-Tart."

I remember taking a deep breath...how on earth could I help this friend see the connection to what she was feeding her child to the sickness/behaviors he was manifesting?

There is a very fine line between what I can and cannot say based on the individual I am talking to. 

When I asked her rational at giving him the Pop-Tart, I was told...

"I just bought a huge case of POP-TARTS so _____ (her husband) can have those to eat instead of FAST FOOD." 

Oh my...

I would later tell a dear friend of mine from California the above story and she joked that she eats POP-TARTS during her road trips.  She makes me laugh (and cry). Atleast it isn't all the time, right?

After returning home from being in Mexico, my sister informed me that neighbors brought my kids over some POP-TARTS. Oh dear! Yes, apparently even my kids are not immune to them. :/  We then laughed at how the kids had said they were "too sweet".

When my kids do get sick I ask "what have they been eating" vs. thinking the virus or bacteria is the only problem.  There are robbers out there.  Keep your houses (cells) strong and secure.  When an occasional break in occurs (virus getting into your cell), call on the cops (anti-viral essential oils) to chase them out.  The key is living in a neighborhood that the bad guy sees as undesirable.  Load up on lots of good security (clean foods, herbs and essential oils) to keep our houses (bodies) safer.

Here is a magazine article, written by a dear friend of mine, that I would like to share...

"Silent, invisible and sometimes deadly viruses invade your body in a way that is often out of your control.  The modern medical approach to viruses is to promote protection from viruses (like the flu) with a vaccine or to treat viral symptoms with a variety of medications, which can ultimately suppress or undermine your immune system.

Once you understand what a virus is, what its goal is and how it mutates in the body, you will recognize that you have more options to effectively eliminate viruses from your body.

VIRAL ATTACK

Viruses are not able to reproduce on their own.  Viruses flourish in your body by hijacking the metabolism and machinery of a cell to produce a copy of itself.  Once a virus has gained access to your cell, depending on the type of cell, one of two things happen:

-       Either the virus uses your cell’s resources to replicate itself many times over before it breaks the cell open (lysed) so that the new virus can infect new undamaged cells; this process damages and kills healthy cells.
-       Or the virus incorporates itself into your DNA at the cellular level, which allows the mutation to pass to daughter cells that are reproduced by the cell.  The daughter cell will pass on this mutation to its daughter cells.  Once multiple copies have been produced, the cell is lysed.

PREYING ON WEAK CELLS

Viruses are hard to kill because they are not exactly alive.  They exist and reproduce inside a host cell.  A virus that causes the common cold or the flu is not necessarily very dangerous; it will target weak cells that are already damaged due to waste products and toxins.  When our bodies are in a constant state of toxic assault and stress from the environment, the immune system and cells become weak, creating a prime opportunity for viral attack. (Emphasis added)

Some viruses can ultimately lead to chronic degenerative disease states within the body…

FIGHTING BACK

While you may have the impression that you cannot rid your body of a virus, studies are showing the opposite is true.  Studies at the Technical University of Munich reported that applications of Melissa essential oil caused a complete remission of herpes.  A single drop was applied directly on the area a few times a day to speed healing, and following this protocol prevented further outbreaks in a significant portion of study participants. 

Some studies have shown that essential oils have the ability to attack viruses inside the host cell and even stimulate the immune system.  You can use oils on a daily basis to not only protect and prevent illness from viruses but also to help correct cellular function that has been corrupted by viruses. 

Oils that have been studied for their viral control properties include basil, cassia, cinnamon, eucalyptus, frankincense, lemon, lemongrass, marjoram, melaleuca, myrrh, oregano and thyme.”  - Ashley Stone   (for more information go to www.stoneoils.com)  

When I was presenting on "Tocopherols and Tocotrienols and their Derivatives" at a Neutraceutical Conference a couple of years ago, a CEO of a large Neutraceutical Company commented that if you want to see a tumor grow really quickly, "feed it sugar".  We all nodded in agreement.  He then compared it to putting "gas on a fire".   Exactly.

Here's to health!

- Steffanie

Like Oxygen!

Laughter.

When everything is so serious...

When everything needs to be audited or critiqued...

When life becomes fast passed, assignments given, and you feel driven, driven, driven...

Sometimes I am able to sing, pray and dance... at other times, the silence is more comforting.

Some nights I am able to sing to the kids until they run out of song ideas, I squeeze them tight, and tell them how special they are.  Some nights I fall asleep exhausted as I beat myself up over everything that has not been accomplished.

Some mornings I am able to perform my own little acapella beat box rhythm.  The kids laugh, and cover their faces as I come closer with my little 'one mama band', clapping, stomping, dancing, and singing "We All Need Somebody To Lean On".  Other mornings are not so lovely.

This dance of life... greater pain comes when we forget to breathe...when we hold on to something painful...when we do not let go.

When emotions have become to painful, or my thoughts too chaotic, I have learned to cope using many of the gifts God has placed on this earth for our benefit.  I am not perfect, and am continually learning, but I am so grateful for all that I have been blessed with to help me through this 'dance of life'.

Essential oils offer a tremendous support in my life.  When I apply the essential oils to my body or breathe in the amazing aroma, it feels as if unseen angels are applauding and telling me I can be braver, stronger and I can love more.

If I have time, I apply coconut oil from the bottoms of my feet to the top of my neck and then apply the essential oils to various parts of my body.  Sometimes I only apply only one drop of an essential oil as I head out the door.

My favorites...

A drop of peppermint massaged into my scalp... oh so refreshing! I love to breathe in the refreshing aroma of Wild Orange - I think it is my favorite oil to use!

Seasons come, seasons go.  The way that I use essential oils on a daily basis changes as does life circumstances.  At night it makes me smile when my husband comes down to lay beside me.  He usually has a smell of peppermint and eucalyptus that floats over my way.  It is a relaxing as well as an invigorating smell.  The essential oils help open up his airways so that he can breathe better and thus snore less - big bonus for me!

I look at the orchid my husband bought for me, it makes me smile.  He is learning.  It is probably the 3rd time he has bought me flowers in the 14 years we have been married.  His gifts have all been ones that are alive and will not die off a week later - his practical side. He is beginning to understand how happy flowers make me.  I will buy them for myself on occasion.

When things are orderly and clean, I can think clearly....my thoughts drift back to where I learned how these principles of 'Self Care' and 'Self Acceptance'.  Thank you Tiffany for helping me to learn to take better care of myself and to create order in my life.

Tiffany Peterson is...well...amazing.  She is a modern day 'Mary Poppins' for adults.

Here are two things Tiffany recently shared on Facebook that I'd like to share with you as well...

1) The word "creation" in Hebrew means "to organize".  I love this concept that really when we are in creation mode - of life, love, projects, art, cooking, you name it - we really are simply organizing it together.

2) The most important shift (and where you may be getting STUCK) that you can make this year…
I am a big fan of personal development, like many of you. 
I love reading inspiring books, attending motivating workshops, coaching and strategy sessions.
I will always make those investments in myself.
I will always make those investments in myself.
SELF IMPROVEMENT
to greater
SELF ACCEPTANCE.
You are a precious and adored child of your God, Source, Universe.
You have more amazing strength than even you can see in yourself.
You have talents and gifts that the world is craving from you to share.
You are worthy and deserving of having the life and results you desire.


Yet, I want to share what I believe is the KEY to receiving greater joy, happiness, sales, income, and overall fulfillment into your life. Think of this shift as a literal invitation from Life or the Universe to manifest for you what you want…
As you set your New Year's goals - which please do so as goals are powerful! - may I make one suggestion that is foundational to achieving them or at least achieving them with massive joy and happiness (which isn't that the main goal of life and living in the first place?)
Shift your focus this day, week, month, and year from:
Self improvement can sometimes get us stuck in the ever elusive horizon of just not enough whereas self acceptance values and honors you exactly as you are and in doing so that love and confidence and belief in yourself opens the doors of life's greatest abundance.
Self Acceptance means to me that you will focus more on your self care this year. To make your own well being a priority - your health, your sleep, time to journal/meditate/pray, time for joy just for joy's sake, and becoming your own best friend - having your own back to champion and cheer yourself on.
It means being more loving and kind to yourself and less hard on yourself or the internal negative self talk about all the ways you're not measuring up. Changing the inner critic to an inner cheerleader if you will. Making friends with the man or woman in the mirror.
I have found in my own life and in the private clients I coach that as we focus on love not fear with ourselves, making self care not just a Mother's Day or Father's Day experience but a lifestyle, in treating oneself with love, kindness, and respect, and creating space for well being, play, and joy you are ENERGETICALLY shifting yourself into the natural states of attracting and manifesting more of the good stuff - your dreams and goals for your life.
ENERGY IS EVERYTHING to achieving or attracting what you want.
Making self acceptance of your precious, amazing, highly adored self will be the greatest gift or "goal" you could focus on this year.
You are a powerful creator of your life.
Decide to love yourself more this year. To have your own back. Become best of friends with the one companion guaranteed to travel with you wherever you go and whomever you partner with - yourself.
I promise you that by shifting from self improvement to self acceptance as your focus you will be happier, more content, and experience greater fulfillment along the journey of your life - and in turn you will attract more of what you want and achieve your goals as a natural result.
I send you a blessing on this year - that you will thrive, prosper, heal, and progress in your highest good for you and your family. I love you and your amazing potential dearly! You are a divine being with so much good to offer this world!
Namaste my friends - I honor the pure love and light within you!
With love & acceptance,

Please be kind to yourself. If nobody else knows... GOD DOES.  You are amazing. 

Here's hoping you are taking good care of yourself. NEVER, EVER stop searching for answers and choose to ARISE (the word I have chosen as my motto for 2015)! The answers you have been looking for may be found today. 

With much love, 

- Steffanie 


Friday, January 2, 2015

It's been over a year...

June 19th, 2012 was my last blog entry.  It's been over a year from that time but I haven't felt inspired to write or say anything until today.

I knew there was something... really big that I felt like I needed to face - deal with- deep inside.  The years had marched on but the pain became bigger and more difficult to avoid.  I continued to 'do life' the best I knew how; raising kids, running a business, being a supportive wife, trying to exercise and be healthy... but it was as if my very cells weighed more and more - changing from a light watery substance to something that more resembled molasses, and then tar and then... I would get to a point where I would tell my husband and a few friends that "I feel like I am dying." The weight became so great I was no longer able to care for myself to the point that a couple of days ago I was sitting in my bed (propped up with pillows) - mouth dry from not having the strength to get myself a drink of water as I realized just how quickly my life was slipping away. I had asked for watermelon.  When it was brought to me, I tried to scoop a piece out with my spoon.  I was unable to even scoop out a piece of watermelon.  I placed my other hand over the one holding the spoon and trembled... I would later tell my husband, "we need to leave for Mexico...TODAY".

I was a dancer.  WAS a dancer.  I thought of the sculpted, strong, lean bodies of my friends from the dance company. Why was I having such a hard time losing weight?  Why was my abdomen swelling so much?  Over the past two months I had gained nearly 20 pounds and would gain an additional 8 pounds when in Mexico.

When my sister-in-law and brother came over to our house, my husband told them what I had said about going to Mexico, today.  My brother said, "If she says she needs to go today, you need to go NOW!"  My sister looked at my mirror with my dance goals on it.  She started to cry and told me that she had had a dream I was dancing at Kingsbury Hall and I was using silks and heaven-like lights, scenery etc.  She said it was hard to explain but she felt like her son (who had recently been killed) was there watching it with her.  She said it was extremely beautiful.  We both cried as I explained how I had been imagining choreographing with silks... I asked her if she thought I was dead in the dream.  She said "oh no!" shaking her head.  It just brought me tremendous peace watching you.  I felt like you were trying to comfort me due to Harley's death and I did feel peaceful watching you dance.

14 years ago, when the decision was being made as to who would dance for the Olympians at Kingsbury Hall, I knew I wouldn't be one of them.  My father had just died and I hadn't lost all the weight from my previous pregnancy. I knew I was not at the 'Olympic level of talent' but I knew the other dancers were. The months preceding and following the Olympics would become a blur. My dance friends (more like sisters) were the only friends who would know and would be there to comfort me.  Dance was and has always been my therapy. Never, ever could I have possibly imagined the horrifying things that would happen before the world would arrive in Utah for the winter olympics in February 2002.

My father died suddenly in November 2001.  My son was barely two months old.  It snowed the day my father was buried.  I was so grateful for the snow.  It was very deep snow.  I prayed the snow, and the dangerous driving conditions on the roads that day, would keep the TV reporters away. We wanted to grieve silently without onlookers.  It seemed as if the heaven's had honored our wishes and had sent beautiful new snow to coat the ground.

My sister's and I had decided to wear white dresses to the funeral instead of black.  Dad was no longer suffering in his earthly body and his mind was finally free.  We wore white to symbolize the freedom, and the peace that he would experience hopefully....eventually....once the hell of it all would pass. The thoughts of hell were too much for me to even think about.  I had to trust that God would somehow forgive and I would see my father again. It would be years later that our Grandfather (my dad's dad) would call us and tell us he finally felt peace.  The events surrounding my father's death were not his actions alone, but influenced by a mixture of mental illness and a cocktail of pharmaceutical sewage.  The effects were devastating.

Before getting up to type this blog entry, I was sleeping.  My husband and I had not quite made it back home, to where our children are.  We had left Albuquerque, NM this morning and the prior day we had left from Mexico.  Shane had accidentally driven 2.5 hours west instead of north as we left Las Cruces.  I had made a similar mistake years prior when I was on a teaching tour.  It turns the 13.5 hour trip into 15 hours and so at midnight we stopped in Fillmore.

As I was sleeping, I was awoken as if someone had entered the room. I became a little frightened and tried to shut the feelings out by trying to go back to sleep.  My mind began to play scenes as if someone else had chosen the movie and was projecting it into my mind. Dates and years seemed to rewind and suddenly I was seeing myself back at my grandmother-in-laws home screaming.  I was folded over, on my knees, my arms wrapped around my waist, wailing back and forth back and forth as I refused to be comforted by my concerned husband and grandmother.  "Oh Steffi", grandma would say as she looked helplessly at me.  My husband was crying and looked desperate to know what to do to comfort me.  I didn't care about my screams piercing the night, waking neighbors, or hurting their ears.  I screamed as loud and as long and as hard as I could until I couldn't breathe any more.  I would take in air and then scream out louder and louder and louder and louder and longer each time as if to somehow remove the pain I was feeling inside.  The pain so dark, so terrible, so painful, that I didn't know how I could live...  My father "was gone".  My step-mother "killed", and another man "killed"... I wondered if Granddad could hear my cries.  I had dropped the phone and had collapsed to my knees when he told me the news.  How could it be?  My father... my daddy... the one who never ever spanked me.  The one who never got angry at us... yes, he would swear, he would get frustrated, but it was never directed at us.  It was always directed at the "damn thing" we did that was making him mad but it never felt like he was angry at "us" (my siblings).  How could this possibly have happened?  The depression... my mind raced to words he had told me weeks... perhaps months earlier.  "It is really bad this time, Steffi." My father would say. He had put the suburban in my name... he had given things away... he had quit his job...Oh dear God... what other signs did I miss?  How could I have stopped this from happening?  What could I have done?

As my mind remembered that terrible, black, cold night when no amount of arms around me would give warmth or comfort, there were three other siblings who were also grieving.

All of the details were too much to bear... as I told the concerned Bishopric what had happened...I was numb.  Something died in me that night.  A piece of my flesh was torn out of my chest...

I stopped time for a moment, it seemed, as if to hit the pause button on the movie being replayed for me.  It was a movie of what had happened almost 14 years ago....and yet somehow it was connected to the present moment.  What was the dream trying to teach me?  Somehow the pain from screaming that night swirled around in my memory and then landed in my chest.  It was the same pain that I had gone to Mexico for.... the same pain... it caused me to cry out into the darkness.  My husband was sleeping beside me but I couldn't keep the pain in.  I cried and cried and cried.  My husband would ask what was wrong and try to comfort me.  I couldn't explain that I was reliving something painful... as I was partially awake and yet still partially dreaming. I knew he must think it is only physical pain. Eventually my husband would comment that he felt like he was on top of a bowl of jello. Immediately I was jerked from my grieving and I couldn't help but laugh.  We were in our unfinished house, lying on top of an inflated air-mattress and my cries would shake the mattress.  I sat still as I shared what I had been taught... I knew the source of the injury, the hernia, the pain.... it was from The Scream. Again, my grieving would be stopped short.

I lied back on the bed as I processed everything.  My dear friend had said "I have been so worried about you... now we understand why."  Despite everything I tried to do to cover it up, people could see there was a pain I was carrying.  It felt big.  I had a hard time separating whether the pain was something spiritual, emotional or physical.  I dreamed of going to a warm place where I could detox.  I'd lie in stillness, not talking to anyone, to process what it was that was causing the pain.  I would starve or sweat out the illness if it was physical, I would pray it out and give it to God if it was spiritual.

With that simple replay of my life and the swirling ending that seemed to take the movie, vaporize it, swirl it and then bring it to the exact spot in my chest I realized where the healing needed to happen.  I thought of my youngest sister.  We had never spoke about what had happened, or at least not that I can remember.  Perhaps we did and that is why I can imagine her being escorted by the police, looking out at the crime scene but not being able to see anything.  I picture my brother crying alone without anyone to talk to.  I picture my other sister busy with her children, her work and her school as she helps arrange the funeral with my other sister.  Where was I in all of this?  What was I doing?  I just remember the blur of canceling our trip to Hawaii (not the one we would later be gifted)... I vaguely remember getting copies of death certificates to send to collectors, oh how my head begins to swim and I feel dizzy just even trying to go back to that time.  I had told our church leaders not to tell a single person about the tragedy.  It was on the news but I wouldn't watch a single report as the inaccurate reporting greatly affected my other siblings.  We would not tell a single employee.  Our business partner would know but I would not tell anyone else.  I remember thinking and counting... "14 families".  Contractor or employed... my husband and I were responsible for making sure that there was enough work completed to make sure everyone was paid.

Back to life.  Stuff the emotions aside... I will deal with it later.

14 years later... I will receive the call today to find out if the biopsy is cancerous.  If my dream and experience I just had is true, all the screaming that night is what stretched the area between my esophagus and stomach.  The Dr. said that "you have had this over 10+ years... maybe more."  There is bleeding, scar tissue, a pint of bile flowing back into my stomach and not into the intestines...

I pictured my siblings and I sitting around to discuss everything.  If not together, I realize now the injury is from "all of the above"... spiritual, emotional and...physical.

Cancer.  I'm ready for the phone call.  I will work through this...with the Lord by my side.

I love you, Dad.  I miss you SO much... it hurts. xoxo

Note to readers:  I am publishing this as is in its very raw state.  I will most likely never hit 'publish' if I read this over too much.

Here is a copy of what I posted on Facebook when I was in Mexico...

Getting real here...

Many of you know of my health trials and triumphs that I documented on my blog/website. Many wonder why I took the blog down. To be honest, I have felt for several years that there was something big that I was dealing with that food, herbs, essential oils, enzymes, probiotics, chiropractic, physical therapy, acupuncture, colonics and many more alternative therapies was not resolving... completely. For the last year, I have seen various specialists, doctors, ER doctors, have had scans, blood tests, ultra-sounds, etc. with no answers. My health continued to decline until honestly when I went to ISRAEL I felt it was a way to be close to the savior before I actually met him in person. ***bear with me here*** I was getting weaker and weaker and less able to care for myself without any answers as to why this was happening. 


A couple months before a friend of mine passed away, and before I knew that her cancer had returned and metastasized, I had a very vivid dream that we were in Mexico together receiving treatment. Two days after the dream she emailed me (and others) and let us all know of the cancer metastasizing and about a fund raiser to help her get to Mexico for treatment. Unfortunately she was unable to make it before she passed away quickly. I was troubled by the dream particularly because I felt like I needed to be there with her, and then she had asked for an escort, and then to have her pass away made me fear for my own life. Two other dreams have given me more insight and direction. Long story short, (ok here come the tears), my incredible family stepped in to help with child care and... I am in Mexico. The good news... we have answers now. Surgery is needed and the Dr said once we heal this 80% of the other issues should resolve quickly. The Dr said I have most likely been struggling with the hernia for over 10+ years. The inflammation (that is severe) and bleeding and infection usually leads to stomach cancer or intestinal cancers. They have taken a biopsy of the dark areas. The hernia is pushing all the bile into the stomach which explains why all I have been doing has been helping but not resolving it. I am scared but also relieved. Family wants me to go back to the USA for the operation but I trust this Dr completely. Tears. I have been searching for answers for so long and FINALLY...I feel hope. I almost gave up searching for answers, but my amazing family stepped in. Joey (not on FB), I love you so much. You and Tara, are angels. You were the one who said "Go! Now!" Thank you, Martha for being here in UT and not in MD to watch the big kids.  A big thank you to everyone who has rallied around our family and a big thanks to my husband who has taken on the role of home-maker and bread-winner as we've been searching for answers as he cared for me more and more since the last time I taught in Canada. The Dr said with this issue no amount of the right food, herbs, supplements etc. would have cured it. It may have prevented the "c" word, (all I have been doing) but the surgery has been/will be needed to correct the source of the problem. The goal was always to "get to diamond" before I received
treatment. (I have been asking to come here for over 4 years). We are almost 'there' but I couldn't wait any longer. Here's to an amazing God, amazing family, and to amazing friends. So many of you have overcome things much worse. There is a painting here of Christ's hands guiding the physician operating. I know that the best physicians and surgeons are the ones who (despite their own brilliance and education) trust and are humble enough to be guided by the Master Physician. Because of the peace I feel here, I know I am where I need to be...finally. 



Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Truth is Simple


“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” — Leonardo da Vinci 


“Nature is pleased with simplicity.” — Isaac Newton 


Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone.” — Albert Einstein


"If you can't explain something simply, you don't know enough about it." — Albert Einstein

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The top five superfoods to always keep stocked in your pantry

The top five superfoods to always keep stocked in your pantry

The above 5 are super foods I drink/eat daily. Love each of the super foods mentioned for their specific action that heals the body.