2015 - The Year Our Family was Saved

We Have Fought to Save Our Marriage

A very personal one — shared with my husband's blessing, in the hope that it helps someone who is dancing a hard dance tonight.

What We Believe

Our family rests on the truths taught in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” issued by the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It proclaims that marriage and family are “central to the Creator’s plan,” that every person is a beloved child of Heavenly Parents, and that happiness in family life is most surely found upon the teachings of Jesus Christ.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

You can read the full proclamation, in its official and complete form, here:

Read “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” →

My husband and I have fought to save our marriage.

When our family pictures came back from the photographer, I stared at them, literally, for hours. It was a miracle — because of what those photos almost weren’t.

Months earlier, when I booked that appointment, I had planned to take the pictures with my children and me alone. I had fully intended to divorce my husband. I had secured employment. I had a lawyer. My extended family had been told. My husband was no longer living with us.
The Problem

We were allowing a toxic dance to go on in our lives.

In order to heal, I had to separate from my husband for a time.
The Miracle, and the Change

I made the decision to dance differently with my partner.

My husband recognized that the dance he was doing was hurting me.

God, and some incredible earth angels, stepped in to teach us the correct steps.

My husband and I made the choice to dance differently with each other.

Angels, seen and unseen, keep coming to our rescue — to teach, to mentor, to encourage, and to show us the next step.

When I looked at that picture of our family, I felt a profound sense of gratitude toward our Savior. Jesus, lover of my soul — I pray that I may always be faithful to you.

This Christmas, I pray that you will listen carefully to the directions you are given, from the Lord and from the angels who surround you. Every answer is different, and only God knows your particular situation.

God knew my goal was for my family to be together — and He wanted that for me, too. But He asked me to trust Him enough to leave. After so many failed attempts, I finally did. And in the time my husand and I were apart, we learned to dance differently.

Stress wears on us, body and soul, and can leave us more vulnerable than we realize.
“It’s Hard to Forgive a Horse That’s Still Standing on Your Foot”

Several years ago, when I confided in my grandparents about the toxic dance I was in, their advice felt so cold at first. My grandfather’s message was simply: forgive.

But the next morning, Granddaddy came to me humbly, head bowed and sorrowful. He told me he’d been praying the night before, and words had come to him powerfully: it is hard to forgive a horse while it is still standing on your foot.

My grandfather asked for my forgiveness.

To those of you dancing with someone who keeps hurting you, I want to shout it: get that horse off your foot. And — please — take an honest look at yourself, too, to make sure you are not the horse standing on someone else’s foot. (A mentor once asked me whether I was the horse standing on my own foot. It’s a question we all need to ask.)

I took an enormous risk. I stopped dancing, for a time, with my husband — not knowing whether we could ever be a family again.

Prayers have been answered.

I’m so grateful for the movie War Room. All of us — children included — have been praying to reclaim our family and to cast the enemy out from among us. We are choosing to dance differently.

It has taken time to adjust. But as a mother and a father, we carry the solemn responsibility to learn dance steps that complement others — steps that are easy to follow, that don’t cause injury. And the best dance teacher in all the world is the One who knows us perfectly: the Lord.

Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. May the Spirit of Christ penetrate your hearts and homes deeply. May we all keep our eyes fixed on the Savior, so that we will not perish.

We must always choose to face the pain… to look into the Savior’s eyes… to have faith… to walk on the water when He asks us to… and to never lose faith in our Lord and Redeemer.

We must all choose to take His outstretched hand — again, and again.

With much love,

Steffanie and my husband (who read this post, contributed to it, and gave his okay to share it here.)