The Questions Worth Asking

The Questions Worth Asking

What years of being sick taught me about speaking up — and partnering with your doctor instead of just nodding

For years, I was the quiet patient. I sat on that crinkly paper, I nodded at whatever I was told, I took the little slip they handed me, and I drove home. I didn’t ask questions — partly because I didn’t want to be that lady, and partly because I truly believed the person in the white coat always, always knew best.

And then I got sick. Really sick. The kind of sick where you go from office to office, from specialist to specialist, and somewhere along the way a few of them start looking at you like maybe the whole problem is just in your head. If you’ve ever sat in that chair — exhausted, scared, and quietly falling apart while someone tells you your labs look “fine” — then you already know the thing it took me years and a whole lot of tears to learn: nobody on this earth is going to fight for your body, or your child’s body, the way YOU will. You are not a bystander in your own health. You are the steward of it. And a good steward, learns to open her mouth and ask.

Now hear me clearly, because this part matters to me: asking questions is NOT the same as distrusting medicine. I thank God for good doctors — the humble, listening kind are worth their weight in gold, and I’ve been rescued by real medicine more than once. But doctors are human, too. They’re rushed. They’re handed twelve minutes with you and a computer they’re typing into the whole time. And they cannot possibly know the whole story of your life the way you live it every single day. Medicine is hardly ever one-size-fits-all — the very same thing can often be handled more than one way. And let’s be honest, we have all watched enough go wrong over the years to know that quietly asking “what are the risks?” and “is there another way?” isn’t sassy. Sometimes it’s just plain wisdom. Sometimes it saves a life.

So the next time something is offered — for you, or for one of your babies — here are the gentle, respectful little questions I’ve learned to ask right there in the room. Tuck them in your pocket:

“What exactly is this for — and how will we know if it’s working?”

“What are the benefits, and what are the risks or side effects?”

“Are there other options — including food, sleep, movement, or lowering my stress?”

“What happens if we wait a bit, or do nothing for now?”

“How long will I be on this, and when will we stop and reassess?”

“Will this interact with anything else I’m taking?”

“And what can I do at home to help my body right alongside it?”

Not one of those is rude, is it? And here’s the beautiful thing I’ve found: a truly good doctor doesn’t get their feathers ruffled by a single one of them. The really good ones actually light up when you lean in and engage, because it means you’re going to be a real partner in your own care instead of a passenger. And if a provider ever makes you feel small or silly for asking — well. Tuck that away and notice it, too.

When you go to learn more on your own, be every bit as careful about where you learn it. This is where so many good-hearted people go sideways, myself included. Let me just say it: the internet at 2 a.m., when you’re frightened, is NOT your friend. Lean on the good sources instead. Your pharmacist is an absolute treasure and one of the most underused people in the whole system — they know medications inside and out, and most of them are tickled that you asked. Read the medication’s own information sheet. Stick to calm, reputable, grown-up medical sources. And call your doctor’s office back with the follow-up question — that’s what they’re there for. But run, don’t walk, away from any site or slick video or charismatic voice whose entire message runs on fear and outrage.

Honestly, that’s the simplest way I know to tell a real healer from a hustler. The ones worth your trust welcome your questions and are humble enough to say “I don’t know yet.” They say “and,” never “instead” — they want you to keep your doctor, not toss out every bit of medicine you’ve got. They point you to real evidence instead of promising you a miracle. And they are calm. Anybody who has to keep you terrified to keep your trust — or who whispers that you should secretly quit your treatment — is not a healer, sweet friend. Close the tab. Say a prayer. Walk away.

Being wise is not the opposite of having faith. Sometimes wisdom is just what faith looks like with its shoes on.

And here is the one thing I’m going to say firmly, because I love you and I love the people you love: please, never stop or change a prescribed medication on your own. Especially the ones for your heart, your blood pressure, seizures, your thyroid, or your mind — stopping some of those cold turkey can be truly dangerous, even deadly. Being an empowered patient never, ever means going rogue. It means carrying your questions and your gut feelings and your late-night reading into the room and working through them together with your doctor. Advocacy isn’t storming off. It’s leaning IN harder. There’s a world of difference between those two — and that difference can be somebody’s whole life.

Underneath all of it, this is the anchor that has held me. So much of the noise around our health runs on fear, and fear is a terrible chair to make decisions from — it’s loud, it’s fast, and it is almost always lying to you about how much time you have to breathe and pray. But where faith is, fear loses its grip. We do our faithful part — we learn, we ask the good questions, we seek out wise counsel, we advocate like a mama bear, we pray our hearts out — and then we hand the rest back to the God who dreamed up these wonderful bodies in the first place. Peace, it turns out, is part of being well, too. Maybe the biggest part.

“Where no counsel is, the people fall:

but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”

— Proverbs 11:14

With much love,

Steffanie

A caring note: I’m a wellness educator and a mom sharing encouragement and my own experience — not a doctor, and nothing here is medical advice for your particular situation. Please don’t start, stop, or change any medication or treatment based on a blog post; always work directly with your own qualified physician or pharmacist, who know your full health picture. If you’re ever in crisis or unsure, reach out to a trusted medical professional right away. These ideas are meant to help you partner with good care — never to replace it.