Sunday, May 8, 2016


It was in December 2014 /January 2015 that I finally realized that I was worth the cost...

I was at a point in my life where I had accepted, what I thought was, God's will. Someone else would raise my children. Someone else would buy their clothes, make their meals...

My heart ached at the thought of someone else raising my children, as I felt life slipping away. Eventually the ache would be filled with peace. God would continue providing for their needs - even once I was gone. They were His children first. 

Selling items I had used in my attempts at healing (my family would no longer need once I was gone) I was able to accept an invitation to go to Israel to serve and to teach. 

I wondered if the miraculous invitation to Israel was my opportunity to draw close to the Savior before I would actually see Him in person. Every minute was a struggle to keep my mind and body moving forward as I tried my best to serve without anyone knowing of my pain.

The time came when I realized the trip to Israel was coming to an end and I still had not found that perfect gift for my children. I truly believed that it would be the last gift I would ever give to them. I wanted it to leave a powerful message and visual that would help them in their lives.

We entered a wood carving shop. I immediately was drawn to a carving of the Savior washing one of the disciples feet. The price...I couldn't pay it. I looked on but kept feeling drawn to that carving of the Savior. It was perfect. Life... it is all about following in the footsteps of the Savior. The store manager approached me about the piece. I told him that I loved it but said I didn't have the money to pay for it. The man said "I can tell by looking into your eyes, I can trust you". He continued, "I will mail it to you and when you earn enough money, you can pay me then." I hated the thought of accepting something I could not immediately pay for, but I knew that the price of selling my piano could pay for the beautiful carving. Once I returned home, the package arrived shortly thereafter - just in time for Christmas.

The Handmade Woodcarving of the Savior and the Disciple 

Deteriorating quicker than expected...I panicked that I would die before the man would be repaid. I made my husband promise to fulfill the commitment I made if I died before the payment could be sent. 

My beautiful children. 

Drifting in and out of consciousness, I knew that I had done everything many allopathic and alternative Dr's had suggested. For four years I had been pleading to go to Mexico for treatment. For some reason I believed answers could be found there. I was never given permission to go when I asked.

I thought of the prayer I had said while in Israel. "Arise". God had told me to arise. I thought of my CHILDREN. With one final battle cry, my soul reached out in a final attempt to live. 

I was worth the cost, and I was worth the cost NOW! 

I no longer believed the lies I heard about myself from the unseen enemy. 

No. Nobody could love my children as much as I do.

No. Nobody would assure they were fed the healing foods I buy and prepare...

No. My children needed me to give this fight every last ounce of my strength in an attempt to win!

Nobody could mother my children better than me! 

I was no longer asking for permission, I was telling my husband what I needed to do. FINALLY I SAW MY WORTH AS MY CHILDREN'S MOTHER! I told my husband "I need to leave for Mexico TODAY!" 

Miraculously answers were found and my life was saved. The thing that made the difference? Thinking of my CHILDREN gave me the strength I didn't know was possible. Like a woman who, in a desperate attempt to save a child life, finds the strength to lift a vehicle with her own two hands, I made it to Mexico that second time. Alone. Unable to speak english, unable to write, unable to drive, barely able to walk, going blind and experiencing face palsy... With only the clothes I had on my back, my ID and my life 'supporting' essential oils I used to keep airways open... I made it. 

21 days later I would return home knowing it was only to get better from there.

I thank God, and my children for giving me the faith to make that final attempt. 

"Mother love is the FUEL that enables a normal human being to do the impossible." - Marion C. Garetty

"I can do all things through him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:13

Thank you, beautiful children, for giving me the strength to fight one last time. With Gods help, we won. 

Note: It was humiliating having to ask for help to get to Mexico. After a period of three months of treatments and Dr appointments I did a quick tally and realized the expenses totaled $25,000. It made me sick thinking about how I could have been saving up money for Mexico vs. investing it back into the business or paying for alternative or allopathic treatments that hadn't worked. I had even paid $600 at one time to attend a class where I prayed to find answers. Then the trip to Israel... "what would people think!?!" I had sold my Infrared Sauna and other items that I had used to try and heal myself to pay for the cost of that trip to Israel. Savings. I had always put away an enormous amount of money in our personal account and business account each month since the time we were married... unforeseen circumstances with the sale of a prior business had wiped out everything almost overnight! Then that carving of the Savior...I needed to sell my piano to pay for it, but then I had to ask for help to get to Mexico? 

Looking back I can see how I exhausted all of my efforts and funds at trying to heal myself in a way the world and my family expected me too vs. saving up to receive treatment I felt God needed me to have, in a place he was directing me to. Despite all of my best efforts, when the time came that I had to choose between life and death, I needed help from others to get where I knew God was directing me to go.  It was humiliating but in my attempt at saving my life I had to ask for help from others. Immediately those blessings came. If I had let pride in the way, and had not asked for help, I would be dead.

Several weeks ago I was telling my teenage son that looking back on my life, I was so incredibly grateful that I was able to make course corrections, and repent when I found myself going down the wrong path. I talked about how painful and embarrassing it was at times, but how grateful I was for every single course correction. We talked about the children of Israel and how when the serpents came and individuals were bitten that Moses held up his staff (symbolic of Christ) and told the individuals to "look and live." Many Israelites died because of disbelief. Only those who were obedient and "looked" were the ones who lived.

For so long I was listening to the voice of others, to their limits and approvals of what I could or could not receive. I could feel God speaking to my heart and mind, directing me, but it wasn't until I saw my worth that I "looked (I took action) and lived." 

I was dead in so many ways. God said "arise". I obeyed and this story has a happy ending.

Now to experience the blessings that come following the storm. 🙏🏻

To ALL the Mom's out there who struggle... YOUR kids need YOU! Never ever give up. Give everything you have...and then some.

Please call on the Lord for an atonement to be made. Accept His sacrifice and trust Him to guide you. In the Garden of Gethsemane he experienced your life and He did not give up on you even when the pain was so great He bled from every pore.

God knows you perfectly. Let Him wrap you in your arms and let Him feel your heart, mind and soul with peace. Together, you can overcome anything.

With much love, 


Monday, May 2, 2016

You Are Only Defeated...

As I was working out with Ron, I started trying mental games to be able to lift the heavier weight. At one point, I shared my tactic by saying out loud "this is easy, I haven't lifted any weight at all - I can do this!" I tried to wipe my mind of any past reps and tried to visualize lifting the 5th set as if I hadn't lifted any before. 

After feeling super proud of my accomplishment, coach Ron, shook his head. I was surprised and listened intently as he corrected me. 

"You have to relate exercise to REAL LIFE! It IS hard. You have already lifted 4 sets to your max, but you know what? You still have more in you! Tell yourself it IS HARD! It IS PAINFUL, but YOU still have more to give." I watched him take the weight to the max on the machine. He said "I should not be able to lift this weight. I have already maxed out. When you get to this point there are three sources of power. Yourself, your rechargeable self, or God as the ultimate source of power." 

I watched him as he said "I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST who STRENGTHENS ME." He lifted the tremendous weight 12 times. The intensity was incredible. I teared up. That is a true champion - one who relies on the true source of power. One who does not lie to themselves about how hard life can be at times, but who faces it head on, is truthful about how painful it is, and taps into the ultimate source of power to accomplish the task at hand. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." heart emoti

Note: On another exercise, shown above, I tried to push myself with heavier weight.  Ron taught me that in the case of exercises that require a tremendous amount of balance (without the machine to balance things out) more weight does not equal greater strength. In some cases, less weight coupled with maintaining balance at the core, creates greater strength. 

The first time Ron taught me about the 3 sources of power, was after a major fall I had regarding my diet plan. 

I sat down with Ron and asked him what it would take to lose the maximum amount of weight the last month of the competition. I wanted to give the last 30 days everything I had and more! I was told exactly what to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and for two meals in-between.  For 21 days I did not cheat once!  I resisted marshmallows when we went camping, I resisted the hobo dinners, the cakes at birthday parties, the goodies, any ice cream or by day I triumphed!  It felt so good!

I was so incredibly motivated and had my eyes set on my goal!!!

I was so confident in my weight release goals that I sold most of my clothes because they were fitting too loosely on me.  I had released weight and gained a ton of muscle and so my shirts were hanging off of me.  I sold all of my 'fat' clothes...

and then BAM!

I lost it!

I spiraled out of control and ate unhealthy over and over and over. 

The monday following my epic fail, instead of working out that day, we spent two hours talking.  Here are some things I learned from our conversation...

I told Ron that I felt so much shame surrounding what had happened.  I wanted to hide in a hole. 

Ron asked me to lookup and read Hebrews 12:1-2 

12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Despising the shame. Christ atoned for the shame that keeps us feeling like we have 'failure' set on repeat. 

"Fear comes when you feel alone.  You have a team.  Have a Plan."

He shared the Batterie metaphor...

3 sources of power...

1) Batterie: Once a batterie runs out of power it is thrown away. (Represents a person that doesn't have much will power - looses charge.  "Salt loses its savor")

2) Rechargeable Batterie:  Batterie that can be recharged but over time it loses ability to take a charge.  (Someone with great deal of will power, gets oppressed but has ability to bounce back.  Over time, will power, running out of energy, they begin to say "I'm not the same person I use to be". they keep charging but over time they become less and less able to 'hold the charge' and they loose their charge. 

3) Power Plant:  A person plugs into God who is the unlimited source of power.  I live by the faith of the Son of God.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." No recharge.  I am always charged because I am plugged into His power.  I am not wondering or wandering.  I am settled because i'm plugged into the source and His endless resources.

Ron looked me in the eyes and said "You're only a FAILURE and you are only DEFEATED, THE LAST TIME YOU TRY!"

I was told to create my cocoon of safety while I transform and to not let anything bust through that.

Ron stood behind a wall that was in front of me.  When he stepped away from the wall I could see him.  When he stepped behind the wall I could not see him.  He told me that I needed to stand behind Christ.  Anything that would come at me would need to go through Christ first.  

We also spoke of Eagles.

Eagles fly straight into the eye of the storm and then fly above it. 

My protective layer of fat is not protecting me.  Only God is the true source of power and protection.

You are only defeated, the last time you try!

Here's to making another attempt at releasing the 'weight'.  

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

With much love,